2003-04 Mach 1 Registry Owners Club  


Go Back   2003-04 Mach 1 Registry Owners Club > General Discussions > General Registry Discussion

General Registry Discussion Topics of Interest (Mach 1 Related or otherwise) for discussions that don't fit other forums.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-15-2006, 05:07 PM   #1
The_Wretched
Mach Fiend
 
The_Wretched's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 622
Chuck Norris Facts!!!!

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot *** kicking in real-time.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
__________________
"The road is an open field for the All-American Pony."

06 BLK GTO 6-speed

04 TR Mach 5-speed
The_Wretched is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2006, 05:19 PM   #2
G
Undocumented Member
 
G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Enterprise, AL
Posts: 15,828
Re: Chuck Norris Facts!!!!

This is kinda like the other recent thread about Chuck Norris. I'm not making a complaint, we still haven't found the last guy to complain about a Chuck Norris post.

Chuck is the man. I don't mind hearing my boy is watching Walker , I worry when I hear MTV.
__________________
_____________________________________________
2003 Mach1 AB 5spd
2004 Mach1 TR 5spd (sold)
1933 Ford 3W Coupe (4.6 dohc Stack Injection)
2003 Cobra TR (sold)
2014 Mustang GT (Track Pack) in Black
G is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2006, 06:23 PM   #3
BlackMach
MachJunkie
 
BlackMach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,050
Re: Chuck Norris Facts!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Wretched

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
That wasn't Chuck Norris, that was Bill Brasky!

"Bill Brasky! A ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a b!tch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!"

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/95/95kbrasky.phtml

__________________
04 Black Mach 1, Auto

C&L Trueflow/Cold Air Kit (Stock MAF w/screen), Accufab TB, MRT H-Pipe w/Cats, Street Springs, Magnaflow Exhaust, PHP Intake Spacer, UPR Short Belt Kit, Steeda Alum U & L RCAs, Rear Sway Bar, Chrome Ultra-Lite II 17"x 9" Wheels, XCal 2 Custom Tune, FRPP 4.10 Gears, Alum Girdle, Alum D.S., Alum Trans Pan, Meziere Electric WP, NGK Iridium TR6IX, Odyssey PC925LMJT, Nitto 275/40/17 NT

My Mach 1 Web Site
BlackMach is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2006, 07:02 PM   #4
birdman941
Torque wins!
 
birdman941's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 13,167
Re: Chuck Norris Facts!!!!

Chuck Norris is getting really old.
Still kicks though................
__________________
The ORIGINAL Project R build thread is back !

5.4 32V NA
Streetable 404/387 26.56 MPG


"I don't like repeat offenders,
I like DEAD offenders" Ted Nugent

"A big engine hardly working is more efficient
than a little engine screaming its head off" Jay Leno
birdman941 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:02 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2002-2013 Mach1Registry.com

<